As we celebrate the amended bank holiday timetable this week, please enjoy a lockdown-inspired tale from one of our writers.
Lockdown Love by Yvonne Lloyd
Conducting an extra-marital affair is complicated at the best of times. Stir lockdown into the mix and you have a logistical conundrum on your hands.However, inconvenient it certainly was, for James the lockdown added frisson, a pinch of spice to his affair with Lottie which, to be honest had dulled into a version of the marriages they were both escaping from. It was exactly what was required to restore a titillating edge of thrilling excitement to their illicit encounters. So while doctors and nurses battled on the frontline to save lives, James was single-mindedly focused on planning an escape from social isolation and physical distancing. Under the circumstances though, meetings involved the meticulous plotting the invasion of a neighbouring state might require.
Stella, James’ wife prided herself on being super fit, fancying that at 53, she had the body of a 30year old. For years, she’d been encouraging her spouse to exercise to slow the spread of his middle-aged midriff. At home, Stella kept a close eye on his diet and alcohol consumption but he clearly over-compensated for these rations when he was working away.
Wilfully James had ignored all pleas to join a gym calling those who ran miles on treadmills and got nowhere freaks of nature. So, on Easter Saturday, Stella was perplexed when James wearing trainers, jogging pants and baseball cap announced he was going for a run as if this was a normal part of his daily routine. Not for one second did Stella suspect her husband’s outfit might be camouflage for his marital indiscretions.
‘May as well get fit while in this bloody lockdown,’ he mumbled, his paunch halfway out of the front door, his casual tone belying excitement at his clandestine meeting with Lottie.
Their rendezvous was to take place a mile away – as a concession to government directives, James nobly decided not to drive. He had of course no intention of jogging – even walking provoked palpitations and generous quantities of sticky perspiration all of which confirmed he’d be well advised to steer clear of any further physical exertion.
For Lottie and her husband Kurt the lockdown had unexpectedly rekindled a spark in their inert marriage which was now aflame with red hot passion. When James, gasping for breath arrived at the appointed spot, his face the colour of a good Beaujolais. Lottie, wearing a fuchsia tracksuit was already there, looking as crisp as a chilled glass of Sauvignon blanc.
On seeing James, her heart did not flutter, her spine didn’t tingle, her knees didn’t weaken. When she was certain James wasn’t about to collapse with a stroke, she pointed her elbow at him for a lockdown hug.
Uncomprehending, he lurched towards her flinging sweaty arms around the body he hadn’t had the pleasure of exploring for weeks. As she struggled to extricate herself, Lottie had the uncomfortable sensation of being superglued to her lover, who frankly looked and smelt anything but sexy and from whose copious amounts of sweat droplets, she was concerned she might catch the virus. Yes, she liked James but dying for him, like some kind of romantic heroine was definitely not in her plans.
As a hotel room was out of the question, James suggested a quick foray into some nearby shrubs. Pretending to entertain seriously the preposterous suggestion that they cavort in the bushes like a pair of desperate teenagers Lottie said,
‘Darling this might be a good time to put our little liaison on hold’
When James pantingly protested, she continued ‘I’d hate to think I’d infected you’.
Privately, she thought it would be on hold well beyond the lockdown but wisely kept this to herself, nervous the still pale puce James might react with a heart attack.
And that, to Stella’s great disappointment was the last she ever saw of James’ running expeditions.
